I wonder if some people are creators and others are just experiencers. If that is a word that is. The last few days I have not done much at all but try to figure out why my mood is so erratic. Fearing that others will get angered by my own anger I have tried to stay away.
So I think to myself if I cannot be happy around others maybe I should start knitting or sewing or come up with a new project for myself. But some how the only real project I can come up with is a long run on a snowy day. I tell myself I will run away from my crabbiness.
There are times when I get so angry at myself for my reluctance to be a domestic goddess. Did I miss that gene in my family or am I just not trying enough. My mother suggests all these things I can do to CREATE and well I just cannot bring myself to do it.
It seems like the only thing that I can sustain for a long period of time is running. What does that make me? A runner I must be.
I do not want to read about others lives I want to live it. I do not want to create a world out of cloth I want see that world. It seems to me that I am one of those. I am an experiencer.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Runs with Mooses
Moose look a lot different from twenty feet away than when driving by.
I was out for my 2 hour run along what is called the Coastal Trail in Anchorage the other day. I came around a corner and the first thing I saw was plumes of breath of coming from two large nostrils. It was a VERY large bull moose trotting along the trail about 20 ft in front of me. WHOA I yelled my heart jumping out of my chest. This being my first close encounter with a moose I half wanted to run away and and half wanted to stare at the magnificence of this enormous creature in front of me. I ducked into the trees for a bit to watch it hoping it would pass so I could continue on my jog. The moose however would not share the path as it trotted down the trail toward me and I soon thought better than to allow it to get too close for fear of being charged. In retreat I turned around and ran away from the large beast allowing him to enjoy his stroll in peace. Reminder: when you are up against something 10+ times your weight and strength, life is better than accomplishment.
I was out for my 2 hour run along what is called the Coastal Trail in Anchorage the other day. I came around a corner and the first thing I saw was plumes of breath of coming from two large nostrils. It was a VERY large bull moose trotting along the trail about 20 ft in front of me. WHOA I yelled my heart jumping out of my chest. This being my first close encounter with a moose I half wanted to run away and and half wanted to stare at the magnificence of this enormous creature in front of me. I ducked into the trees for a bit to watch it hoping it would pass so I could continue on my jog. The moose however would not share the path as it trotted down the trail toward me and I soon thought better than to allow it to get too close for fear of being charged. In retreat I turned around and ran away from the large beast allowing him to enjoy his stroll in peace. Reminder: when you are up against something 10+ times your weight and strength, life is better than accomplishment.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Wavers Wanted
Today I was driving down a hidden dirt road in Somewhere, Alaska. As I turned a corner I saw three boys who looked to be around 10 years old walking. As I slowly passed one of the boys looked at me and with a big smile on his face began waving enthusiastically. I found myself looking at him strangely for a moment as if I had no idea what he was doing. Then I shyly started to wave back. It is an odd thing when the simple act of waving begins to surprise you. I vow today to not only wave at people more frequently but to do it with joy. After all I may have been the only person he'd seen drive down that road in a long time or maybe he just was having a good day. Either way the world could certainly use more wavers
Finding Home
We were sitting at the dining table eating local salmon, rice and green beans. Three of the four of us were discussing the friendliest and happiest places as the fourth just listened without words. This subject has always been of great fascination to me as with each new place I visit or live my vision of a perfect metaphorical place evolves. When I first moved to the south from the Midwest I thought 'Wow these people are a strange yet fantastic'. I just loved how they called everyone darlin, and I soon adapted that expression as it always just made me feel warm and comforted and I wanted to pass that feeling on to others.
Then I moved to New England and I absolutely fell in love. The people were progressive yet down home in the best way possible. It was what I always wanted in Michigan but could not quite find. I remember I had a friend who lived in a barn that was converted to a house. It was drafty yet cozy with a wood stove as the only heating supply. She was raised on organic food by these beautiful intelligent hippies and I thought, "what a perfect life".
Moving back to Michigan and then Iowa after years away shed new light on my experience of place and I discovered new things and people that I never knew were there. I began to rediscover my sense of home in my childhood home. People as I had found in Georgia and Vermont were all around me once again.
It is strange why I analyze this sense of place that is so definitive to me yet it is nice when I find others that feel the same sense of importance. I suppose it is because so many of us who live a modern nomadic lifestyle are just simply in search for our home. Which leads me to why I now know why my other dining companion was just purely content in her quietude. She was the only one out of us four who had found her home. Living here in Alaska for the last four years she has as her friend pointed out become Alaskanized. I am beginning to understand what that really meant.
When you live in a place that is Alaska, incredible awe inspiring natural beauty every waking day, what is it to talk about happiness and friendliness. If you live here amongst the trees, and the ocean, the mountains and the rivers, and all the many creatures around you, man and beast, you have found what is a true home.
Then I moved to New England and I absolutely fell in love. The people were progressive yet down home in the best way possible. It was what I always wanted in Michigan but could not quite find. I remember I had a friend who lived in a barn that was converted to a house. It was drafty yet cozy with a wood stove as the only heating supply. She was raised on organic food by these beautiful intelligent hippies and I thought, "what a perfect life".
Moving back to Michigan and then Iowa after years away shed new light on my experience of place and I discovered new things and people that I never knew were there. I began to rediscover my sense of home in my childhood home. People as I had found in Georgia and Vermont were all around me once again.
It is strange why I analyze this sense of place that is so definitive to me yet it is nice when I find others that feel the same sense of importance. I suppose it is because so many of us who live a modern nomadic lifestyle are just simply in search for our home. Which leads me to why I now know why my other dining companion was just purely content in her quietude. She was the only one out of us four who had found her home. Living here in Alaska for the last four years she has as her friend pointed out become Alaskanized. I am beginning to understand what that really meant.
When you live in a place that is Alaska, incredible awe inspiring natural beauty every waking day, what is it to talk about happiness and friendliness. If you live here amongst the trees, and the ocean, the mountains and the rivers, and all the many creatures around you, man and beast, you have found what is a true home.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Storm stories
9 moves in ten years has got to make anyone a little unbalanced right?
It has been my 3rd move in 3 years and I think I am on the verge of self combustion. Yes I am in one of the most beautiful places in the world and even as I write this I am looking out a picture window at an incredible mountain. So why do I feel so out of sorts? Could it be that I just got married less than a month ago? Or that I changed my name and after 30 years I am really not taking it well. I know it is not my identity that is changing but in a way it is. Or could it be that we are still living in one room. Yes I am emotional and overly analytical about well everything as well as probably the most self critical person I know. I suppose everyone says that though, but as a Virgo heading into her 30th birth month the combination of all of these transitions is a slowly brewing storm. The meteorologists ask where all the hurricanes are this year. Well I think all of the energy and force of last years Katrina has somehow been transported to my brain. I guess I just have to catch the wave and learn how to surf.
It has been my 3rd move in 3 years and I think I am on the verge of self combustion. Yes I am in one of the most beautiful places in the world and even as I write this I am looking out a picture window at an incredible mountain. So why do I feel so out of sorts? Could it be that I just got married less than a month ago? Or that I changed my name and after 30 years I am really not taking it well. I know it is not my identity that is changing but in a way it is. Or could it be that we are still living in one room. Yes I am emotional and overly analytical about well everything as well as probably the most self critical person I know. I suppose everyone says that though, but as a Virgo heading into her 30th birth month the combination of all of these transitions is a slowly brewing storm. The meteorologists ask where all the hurricanes are this year. Well I think all of the energy and force of last years Katrina has somehow been transported to my brain. I guess I just have to catch the wave and learn how to surf.
Friday, August 25, 2006
30 Year Goals
Due to my natural state of scattered thinking I have decided to create an online list of goals that I can refer back to as well as one others can refer to as well and keep me on the straight and narrow, well so to speak. This I feel is the best way for me to accomplish my many goals I have as well as keep a running tally on my progress in this venture.
I have discovered that it was ten years ago on the verge of 20 when I made another major life change which ended up being one of the best moves and one of which I will always remember as a time that transformed me greatly. That move was when I moved to Vermont. It was the first time I was truly on my own away from my parents and it was time of revisiting the past and returning to the innocence that had been lost.
I am now in a similar yet very different element and it is ten years later. I can already feel a sense of reawakening. I will use this blog to document my experience and to set about to accomplish my ten year goals. Here are the first of many.
1. I will run a marathon in the coming year.
2. I will do research and discover the business that I am meant to have and I will take the appropriate measures to start it.
3. I will become a gardener.
I have discovered that it was ten years ago on the verge of 20 when I made another major life change which ended up being one of the best moves and one of which I will always remember as a time that transformed me greatly. That move was when I moved to Vermont. It was the first time I was truly on my own away from my parents and it was time of revisiting the past and returning to the innocence that had been lost.
I am now in a similar yet very different element and it is ten years later. I can already feel a sense of reawakening. I will use this blog to document my experience and to set about to accomplish my ten year goals. Here are the first of many.
1. I will run a marathon in the coming year.
2. I will do research and discover the business that I am meant to have and I will take the appropriate measures to start it.
3. I will become a gardener.
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